Simian Sculling

Just some apes in boats.

Following the Kon-Tiki Expedition

On the finest balsa wood raft that kroner can buy.

Dates: 2026-06-02 – Present

Meters rowed: 79,338

Total meters: 7,379,614.3

Completion Percentage: 1.08%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	35,302	0.48%	3h 21m 34s	1,913
Orangu-TingYu	20,000	0.27%	0h 46m 00s	3,041
Jim Chimpsky	18,000	0.24%	2h 00m 58s	909
Oar-angutan	6,036	0.08%	0h 30m 08s	330

Circumnavigating the Globe like Magellan

Will we mutiny as well?

Dates: 2026-04-17 – Present

Meters rowed: 413,738

Total meters: 56,478,072.1

Completion Percentage: 0.73%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	183,368	0.32%	17h 34m 16s	10,008
Jim Chimpsky	153,224	0.27%	16h 37m 10s	7,694
Oar-angutan	48,556	0.09%	4h 31m 21s	2,530
Orangu-TingYu	20,000	0.04%	0h 46m 00s	3,041
Mo Monkeys Mo Problems	8,590	0.02%	0h 45m 13s	450

Archive

Rowing the Strait of Gibraltar

“The Strait has been identified as an Important Bird Area.”

Dates: 2026-05-29 – 2026-05-31

Meters rowed: 21,076

Total meters: 15,341.6

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Jim Chimpsky	12,000	78.22%	1h 16m 07s	606
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	9,076	59.16%	0h 52m 44s	493

Rowing the Tsugaru Strait

It looks like there’s a train that goes across the water anyway…

Dates: 2026-05-27 – 2026-05-28

Meters rowed: 27,928

Total meters: 19,452.1

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Jim Chimpsky	12,000	61.69%	1h 21m 12s	603
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	10,032	51.57%	0h 52m 57s	556
Oar-angutan	5,896	30.31%	0h 30m 10s	318

Rowing the Catalina Channel

You already know what Wine Mixer occurs here.

Dates: 2026-05-24 – 2026-05-26

Meters rowed: 32,805

Total meters: 31,796.4

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	15,073	47.4%	1h 25m 49s	812
Jim Chimpsky	12,000	37.74%	1h 13m 04s	613
Oar-angutan	5,732	18.03%	0h 30m 05s	305

Rowing the Molokaʻi Channel

The sharks and man-of-war jellyfish won’t impede us.

Dates: 2026-05-16 – 2026-05-23

Meters rowed: 49,551

Total meters: 44,131.5

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Jim Chimpsky	24,018	54.42%	2h 30m 50s	1,229
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	20,050	45.43%	1h 48m 38s	1,102
Oar-angutan	5,483	12.42%	0h 30m 06s	285

Rowing the Cook Strait

Also known as Te Moana-o-Raukawa, which is probably better than naming it after a colonizer.

Dates: 2026-05-12 – 2026-05-15

Meters rowed: 41,277

Total meters: 22,722.0

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Jim Chimpsky	17,021	74.91%	1h 42m 42s	879
Oar-angutan	12,161	53.52%	1h 10m 16s	622
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	10,063	44.29%	0h 59m 24s	545
Mo Monkeys Mo Problems	2,032	8.94%	0h 10m 02s	110

Rowing the North Channel

Also known as the Sruth na Maoile or the Sheuch.

Dates: 2026-05-04 – 2026-05-11

Meters rowed: 72,773

Total meters: 55,576.7

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Jim Chimpsky	27,744	49.92%	3h 02m 33s	1,375
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	25,223	45.38%	2h 29m 42s	1,389
Oar-angutan	13,248	23.84%	1h 20m 36s	670
Mo Monkeys Mo Problems	6,558	11.8%	0h 35m 11s	340

Rowing the English Channel

People can swim this, right? Surely we can row it.

Dates: 2026-04-17 – 2026-04-23

Meters rowed: 44,270

Total meters: 43,050.6

Completion Percentage: 100.0%

Name	Meters Rowed	% of Total	Time Rowed	Calories Burned
Ham the Ast-row Chimp	24,240	56.31%	2h 24m 55s	1,304
Jim Chimpsky	20,030	46.53%	2h 11m 26s	980